The Unexpected Retreat
Photo by Polina Kuzovkova on Unspla
You never expect illness or life-threatening situations to become a space of retreat, restoration and reset. This is currently the space I found myself in during August and September whilst caring for Richard through intense conditioning and a stem cell transplant. All other life has gone on hold. It has been very life giving which was a total surprise - despite the trauma of course of going through such a dark time.
I found myself in a place of peace having had to separate from people, places and things that includes our own home and all the stuff that we have, all the ministries we run and my normal day to day routines and rhythms. Thrown into an avalanche of the unknown. This containment was to keep Richard safe and well through his cell transplant and it’s been a real joy to do so although at times the isolation has been unimaginable. Having stood back I can now see all the things that I’ve been stressing me out making me frustrated for the past year whilst he’s been having previous treatment to push the disease back again so he could proceed with the next layer needed. One of my top tips for the day is to change the language around illness it protects our minds and hearts from what can be overwhelming at times. Some would say it’s denial but I no longer care what others think, only to focus on what keeps us safe and well - wisdom.
In this place of separation do I find God? Yes, but not in the praying not in the reading the Bible not even in the doing the caring or the being on guard 24/7 in case he gets an infection or he can’t cope in the night but in the reality I find God in the place of knowing that none of my works bring His presence. I don’t have to pray God as is always with me ,his presence is unconditional like His love. In fact I haven’t been able to pray as we have been living it all out but rather it’s all about His presence. The promise to me because of the death and resurrection of his son and nothing, not an illness ,not a challenge can take that away from me which is wonderful; Romans 8:38-39 - the Bible in action. That’s what we really want isn’t it? To live the scriptures not to read about them or know about them or understand them to live them out day by day as a light to those around us.
Having said that I’ve been stripped away of everything, one thing reminds me who I am a connector and an Evangelist someone who reaches people so so easily and has a heart for people - I’ve met so many people go through so many different challenges whilst living at the hospital for 5 weeks, fearing for their lives, facing big treatment plans and it’s just nice to have a short chat with them have a moment with people be compassionate smile make a cup of tea and have a laugh and then say “I’ll pray for you” sometimes it’s all it takes to bring joy to a place to bring light to a place as potentially full of darkness and sorrow so I’m pleased God put me here cause I’ve learnt a lot of things above all what I like about myself and that my place of peace, my sanctuary has been this time.
The hidden gems of the sacred moments are found when we step away from the driven us, what we think is important what we think we can’t stop makes me laugh. It’s all nothing else compared to his peace and presence and the joy that we have as we just move around in that surely that’s has to be abundant living and I like it having had a taste of it.
The ability to be able to let go and adapt is vital as most things in this world take us by surprise and we can’t plan for that. God will meet us there in His presence and whatever happens we are still who He’s made us to be. Some things remain whilst other things go when you leave the place of retreat.
Be encouraged ….